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24-04-2022

 Un día a la vez. Los fines de semana me ayudan. Nada externo me obliga a hablarte, solo das vueltas en mi cabeza. Pero puedo vivir con esas vueltas. Reconstruyo nuestra historia, me doy cuenta que tengo rabia, y al indagar en mi rabia, no necesariamente ella va a ti. Eres solo una representación de lo que he debido aprender y aun no aprendo. De lo quiero, o creo que debería pasar, y lo que realmente pasa.  Eres todos ellos, en ti. Una suma, de todo aquello de lo que debí huir. Porque duele. Banderas rojas. Cómo cuando tenia veinte y eso chico de treinta, se acerco con su encanto y su novia. Jamás me mintió, yo supe siempre que era su novia, y nuestra "amistad" jamás fue una amistad. Aunque conocí a su abuela, y pase tres meses más en su casa que ella, a la final, no se dejo cabida alguna a la realidad.  Yo, tenia intensiones románticas. Él solo se dejo llevar. ¿Sabes?  Yo quería que me eligiera, y lo que más dolió fue el orgullo. Ya no recuerdo como salí corriendo d...
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19-04-2022

One day at a time. And now I have to reset the count.  I do not what to think about you anymore. Your lips over my skin. I quick honey. I am off. Eu não quero tentar mais. Suas mãos nas minhas . Seu espaço, seu nome em mia cabeça. Tick tock,  O tempo que nim passa sem dizer nada. 
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17-04-2022

One day at a time. You were not my first thought. Obviously, you are still in my mind. Playing around from time to time. Like when I read something funny, or erotic. Or when I see my poetry notebook.  I went to the pool today, not to swim of course I do not enjoy the pools. Actually, we were never on one, but I imagine we do. On the roof you can see the sunset, I enjoy pretty much the sunsets, you gave one like to the one I posted yesterday. And I just wonder why instead of your like on my post, you wrote to me, asking "how are you feeling today?". Not literally, of course, I do know the answer. You don't care about me, or my feelings at all.  It was a normal day, I struggle to wake up, Finally, I did at noon, so I did not work again on my tasks. Instead, I am working on myself, which feels strange, and I feel guilty. I did exercise, not much, but I did. I am also reading "Misión Olvido" by Maria Dueño. I enjoy it, Blanca is the name of the main character. she i...
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16-04-2022

One day at a time. Have been three long days. Step by step.  As Morat says the most difficult days are the first six days. Let's test if that is true.  My plan was to wake up at 8, I did at 10, With no intention to go to breakfast. I have a list of 20 pending work tasks to do, and no intention to do it at all. It is not that I do not want it, is only that my body does not help me to do it.  I planned to wake up at 8, but everything hurts. I do not recall what makes me woke up. Maybe the feeling that I needed to reschedule the flight to Madrid, to not lose more money or the feeling that I really needed to send the Thursday error report, to a bunch of people that will only read it on Monday (if they do).  For sure they won't, actually, while I was writing it, I was wondering if it is a better strategy to send it by Monday morning. I use to read my email at the beginning of the journey. Well, I also use to check my email every hour when I am not working, or on a holiday...
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